I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
