I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
