Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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