He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
