he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
