i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
