hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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