I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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