I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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