So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
