I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
