belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
