so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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