I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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