Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you would pick up someone in the library
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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