I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
