I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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