YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
