i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
