Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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