For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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