She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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