They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
