oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
