i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
