well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
