So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
