who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
