it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
