Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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