mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
