what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
