its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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