Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
