So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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