I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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