i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
