We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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