chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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