Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
