You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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