and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
