i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
