so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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