I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
