I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
