Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
