I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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