I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
