We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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