she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
