Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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