This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
