and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
