I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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