there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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