Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
