Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
