p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
