Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
