Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
