So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize