Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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