and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
