guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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