i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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