all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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