she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
