just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
