So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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