He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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