It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
