Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
