you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
