i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
