I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
