Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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