her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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