Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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