I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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